Mentally unstable readers should probably skip this article. Scratch that; they're probably the only ones who will understand the app I'm going to review.
Today we're going to gaze into the lunacy, the abnormality, the surrealism, the sheer craziness that is ALPAKA EVOLUTION.
You may have noticed the disturbing bundle of soulless faces staring back at you in the picture up top. This is what ALPAKA EVOLUTION is all about, so get used to it as soon as possible. Take a closer look:
Ready? Don't say I didn't warn you.
Let's give the app a go. When you start the game, you're greeted with a beautiful blue sky, a wide open field, and a couple cute but peculiarly-countenanced alpacas.
It's pretty peaceful looking, but nothing happens if you don't do anything. Let's try tapping on the alpacas.
One of the alpacas speeds over and headbutts the alpaca you tap. The headbutt-ee is now sprawled out on the ground, either dead or unconscious with severe head injuries.
I don't know the reasoning behind the one alpaca's violent outburst, so let's tap on one of the dead/unconscious alpacas and see what happens...
Oh my god, he ate him.
Officially, the alpaca is "absorbing" the other alpacas, which I still find just as disturbing as animated alpaca cannibalism.
This is merely the start of the lunacy; the nightmare has only just begun. For each alpaca you "absorb," your EXP meter on the top left fills up a small amount. Here, I've filled up my EXP meter. I wonder what happens next?
He stood up.
Now that he's on two feet, he's free to run anywhere he wants to mete out his unique brand of violence. We've quickly gone from a seemingly cute, innocuous game about alpacas to something much more sinister feeling; something with a dark undercurrent of danger, destruction, and the smell of blood.
So, there's only one thing to do: tap more alpacas.
His attack of choice has changed from a headbutt to a running punch. A swift right hook to the kisser puts his alpaca friends out instantly.
Once you've got a couple alpacas taken down, it's time to absorb them to up your EXP. Once your meter is full again, you're treated (?) with a further evolution. I'd like you all to try this out by yourselves to see just how weird this alpaca gets. At Level 3, your alpaca protagonist goes through a pretty radical and unsettling transformation, with an even more shocking attack style. On and on with each evolution, your character becomes even more grotesque and non-alpaca like. You should be both curious and fearful of the next evolution.
So that's it, that's ALPAKA EVOLUTION, a title that's maybe a couple centuries ahead of its time. I can't say with any kind of authority whether people who like alpacas should play this game, but if you're both curious, brave, and willing to lose a little bit of your soul, then by all means give ALPAKA EVOLUTION a shot.
Here's a freebie- the Level 5 alpaca:
The cheesy sound effects and Renaissance Fair-like background music further contribute to the utter weirdness and surrealism of the game. I spent 2 hours playing to get to Level 5, and I don't think I can take anymore. It's scary, unsettling, and just completely wrong. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.
- Br, B, B, B..., Brrr!! Catch Falling Apples and Take Wool off Sheep - Sheep Spongy
- Growing Strange. Is Funnier and Weirder Than Expected
Time played: about 30 minutes
Device used: Galaxy S3 (SC-06D)
Last updated: 2/10/2013
Compatibility: Android 2.2 or higher
Translation by Jason Morgan